Thanksgiving is a time for us to express our gratitude and appreciation for all the things we’ve received for the year. It’s also a time for us to bond with family and friends over good food.
- Funny Sayings About Whining
- Funny Movie Quotes About Winning
- Catchy Winning Phrases
- Winning And Losing Quotes
- Motivational Quotes On Winning
If you’ve ran out of things to say at the table, why not share a few silly and funny Thanksgiving quotes and jokes? It’ll surely make the holiday a lot more fun and festive.
150 Funny Quotes about Women. Funny Women Quotes / By Michael. “The secret to winning an argument with a woman: They have to be dead.” » John Betz, Jr. Castle builder game. For me, winning isn't something that happens suddenly on the field when the whistle blows and the crowds roar. Winning is something that builds physically and mentally every day that you train.
Check out all the funny Thanksgiving quotes we’ve collected for you.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. – Mitch Hedberg
A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying “that smells good” to be helping. – Jimmy Fallon
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. – Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. – Melanie White
I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. – Johnny Carson
It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.
We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. – George Carlin
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not a coincidence. – Erma Bombeck
Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are? – Kenny Rogerson
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment — halftime.
I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversations with your family on Thanksgiving. – Craig Ferguson
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus. – Melanie White
I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. – Howie Mandel
I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns, and that’s just spooky. – Melanie White
See Also: Best Thanksgiving Wishes, Messages & GreetingsThanksgiving Wishes, Messages & Cards
Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
Store security stopped my wife at the door for trying to steal a butterball turkey. I had to show ID proving I’m not a butterball turkey. – Just Bill
What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
You know that just before the first Thanksgiving, there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” – Dylan Brody
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No they’re dead”.
I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. – Damien Fahey
Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. – Melanie White
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey, because it is always stuffed.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes, a building can’t jump at all!
Don’t forget to have fun and enjoy the holiday. Share these funny Thanksgiving quotes and jokes with your family and friends!
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Yankees legend Yogi Berra passed away in 2015, but on Opening Day, we can’t help but think of the great catcher and manager. An 18-time All-Star, Berra appeared in 14 World Series as a member of the Yankees and won 10 of them.
Berra’s contributions to MLB history are incalculable, but his legacy might be even better remembered for what he contributed to American language. A sportswriters’ favorite, Berra had countless expressions and turns of phrase that were memorable because most of them didn’t make any sense. (At the same time, every one had some truth to it.)
Berra-isms (colloquial expressions that lack logic) are now countless, and many of them are just attributed to Berra, even if he never actually said them. As he so perfectly put it: “I never said most of the things I said.” Here are 50 of our favorites.
1. When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
2. You can observe a lot by just watching.
3. It ain’t over till it’s over.
4. It’s like déjà vu all over again.
5. No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.
6. Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.
7. A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
8. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
9. We made too many wrong mistakes.
10. Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
11. You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
12. You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.
13. I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
14. Never answer an anonymous letter.
15. Slump? How to play 5x the cash. I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.
16. How can you think and hit at the same time?
17. The future ain’t what it used to be.
18. I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better.
19. It gets late early out here.
20. If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.
21. We have deep depth.
22. Pair up in threes.
23. Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.
24. You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
25. All pitchers are liars or crybabies.
26. Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
27. Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
28. He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
29. It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
Funny Sayings About Whining
30. I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won twenty-five games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five.
31. I don’t know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.
32. I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.
33. I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
34. In baseball, you don’t know nothing.
35. I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
36. I never said most of the things I said.
37. It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.
Funny Movie Quotes About Winning
38. If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
39. I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I’d never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.
40. So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.
41. Take it with a grin of salt.
42. (On the 1973 Mets) We were overwhelming underdogs.
43. The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
44. Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
Catchy Winning Phrases
45. Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren’t allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training.
46. You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.
47. I’m lucky. Usually you’re dead to get your own museum, but I’m still alive to see mine.
Winning And Losing Quotes
48. If I didn’t make it in baseball, I won’t have made it workin’. I didn’t like to work.
49. If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
Motivational Quotes On Winning
50. A lot of guys go, ‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ They want me to make one up. I don’t make ’em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth. I don’t know.